When Love Becomes Violence: Inside Hidden War Against Women in Kenya and Beyond

By Caroline Katana

Email, thecoastnewspaper@gmail.com

Farida not her real name, arrived in Diani, Kenya with hopes of finding a job. Instead, she found love or so she thought.

She moved in with the man she believed was her partner for life. But that love quickly turned toxic. It began with small signs of control temper, strained voice and mean looks.

Then came the beatings and finally, the unimaginable love cacophony brewed in Diani.

“I was six months pregnant when he first beat me,” Farida recalls. “I lost my pregnancy, but I stayed put still hoping and believing things will change for the better.”

Things Went South

At six months pregnant with her second child in the offing, she asked father-baby for money to buy food. The results was blows and kicks.

After a C-section delivery and a newborn to care, the abuse took an ugly turn of sexual violence and degrading mannerism.

“One night, he came home drunk and forced himself on me from behind,” she says in a small measured tone while repeating verbatim what her ‘hubby’ said.

“You’re my wife! I can do anything I want,” she narrates tears running down her fractured face.

As things jumped from bad to worse, Farida took a decisive action to seek for assistance from a local elder, and later her church. The verdict was “endure and he will change” but the violence escalated to inhumane levels.

One night, the brute descended on her again and this time, brandishing a knife and threatening to kill her before their child.

Breaking Silence

That night Farida escaped and found refuge in a friend’s place who later took her to Teenswatch where survivors of gender-based violence (GBV) get moral and counselling support.

At the centre, officials of the organisation encouraged her to report the abuse to police. While offering her emotional support, they assisted the victim to get a medical report that will be used as basis of registering her complaint to enforcement authorities.

To guarantee her safety, Farida found undisclosed safe house as the police launched manhunt of her hubby turned abuser who on getting wind of arrest disappeared in the landscape.

It is now a year-and-a-half, and counting since she last saw him, but the trauma she encountered under his roof has become her second shadow!

“I still live with the pain and I want other women to know that keeping silent in the name love while you suffer physical pain is not a wise decision.”

Survivors Speak Out

Chausiku, a woman with physical disability from Kinango in Kwale County, shares a similar story of love betrayal.

A trusted friend lured her to a hotel under the guise of a conversation, but the real intention was to rape her.

Sensing danger in the whole arrangement, she fought him off verbally and physically to protect her dignity before being rewarded with the aggressor scampering while “insulting me, calling me names leaving me there (hotel) before walking away.”

With the rape near miss hanging like a Damocles sword, Chausiku, landed a marriage relation that treated her not as a partner, but as a possession, an object!

His verbal utterances spoke loudly to that effect: “You’re my wife. I can have sex with you anywhere I want, even through your ears!”

Shocking it may be, but resisted she did to protect her persona that forced the tormentor to change course. For the first time, he began to respect her boundaries.

Chausiku credits human rights forums as her saviour and implanting confidence to stand her ground.

And with her new found job security as a permanent and pensionable civil servant, this has given her courage to deal with any emerging issues of human rights or gender-based aspect.

“Don’t let poverty make you accept disrespect. Believe in God and in yourself. The right doors will open.”

Global Emergency

Farida and Chausiku’s experiences are part of a larger, horrifying pattern of gender-based issues that are roaming the _worlds_ of human at alarming rates.

Globally, one in three women experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime according to the World Health Organisation (WHO).

In fact, during the COVID-19 pandemic from December 2019 in China, GBV cases spiked as women were confined with their abusers under lock and key to stop the disease from spreading its wings globally.

In Africa, femicide, defined as the gender-motivated killing of women, is particularly alarming. For instance, South Africa’s femicide rate is five times the global average.

In Kenya, 45% of women aged 15 to 49 years have experienced violence, according to Kenya National Bureau of Statistics’ 2022 report.

Between 2022 and 2024, over 150 Kenyan women were murdered by intimate partners many of who had previously reported abuse cases.

In coastal counties such as Kwale, underreporting is rampant due to stigma, fear, and limited access to justice because of ignorance and abject poverty in many a communities.

System Failure or Societal Silence?

Brenda Kajambo, lead convenor of DadasRising community-based organisation (CBO), says her body runs grassroots programs across Kinango to create awareness about GBV, menstrual dignity, reproductive health, and reporting mechanisms.

“Extreme cases are common, but many women suffer in silence,” she says adding that “Without support systems, they are trapped.”

Judy Kengo, a member of County Assembly (nominated) in Kwale, says the fight against GBV must be decentralized so that all sectors of society can participate in eradicating it.

“The national government cannot win this alone. We need to empower grassroots organizations and local leaders. Counties lack the funds to respond adequately because the issue is overly centralized,” she says.

Forum of Hope

The GBV menace was a topical issue conversation during a powerful women’s rights forum organised by the Young Women’s Leadership Institute (YWLI) in collaboration with the Heinrich Böll Foundation. The DadasRising CBO forum was held at Kwale’s Cultural Centre where they read out a petition to be addressed by the national and county government. 

The event brought together survivors, local leaders, NGOs, and activists to amplify the voices often ignored in the policymaking or other national or county decision-making processes.

Their message, ‘Ending GBV and femicide’, is a shared responsibility with community-led solutions, survivor-centered justice, and bold political will fronting urgent action.